Monday, October 15, 2012

Remembering Angel Babies

Today has been 1 year, 5 months and 5 days since we met our angel and lost him all at the same time.  Life has been extremely difficult.  Living in the house that was supposed to have a family, walking by his room everyday knowing we can't ever get him back.  It is a daily struggle.  Luckily I have Marcus but no longer the man I was supposed to marry.  To say losing a child is hard on a relationship is an understatement.  It can ruin it if you let it and I did.  I have lots of regrets but knowing I can't go back and change things makes it worse some days.  I worry that I did something wrong to lose McKennon, I am his mother and you are supposed to protect your children.  I could have done a lot of things to save my relationship with my fiance but didn't.  I lost the love of my life because I couldn't seem to get it together.  Now as I sit here trying to move on with my life, it feels more like an every minute struggle instead of a daily one.  I haven't been much of a believer in God for the last year and a half and i don't know if I ever will be again.  I hope someday that faith will come back but it doesn't seem as if life has gotten any better, it just gets worse.  I'm waiting for the sunshine and it isn't there. All I can do is wait it out.

Today is a special day, it's a day to remember our beautiful angels in Heaven.  If you have lost one or know someone that has, light a candle at 7pm tonight and join the rest of us in remembering!

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